Fate Up Against Your Will

Photo of soviet apartment block I took yesterday.

I've realized something I've been scared to say out loud. I need to get out of my hometown. The sooner the better. I cannot feel happy in here. However, it's a nice place. For a short annual visit only; to remember what made me who I am now, to feel the post-soviet spirit floating in the air and be around people who are always unhappy. Believe me, after almost 19 years of being in the same place makes you at least anxious, or dead inside, or both, or even worse. It's like a pond that says still and slowly turns into a swamp. It's not my best metaphor, to be honest. Maybe it's just me, and my peers are completely fine. But not me. I think my artistic nature is behind this. Artists think and over-think, they are more sensitive about things that are going on around them.

People here are still suffering from stereotypes and shadows of the past and for those like me it's really hard to fit in. Inevitably, different people will be misunderstood. I can say from my own experience, it is really hard to survive the pressure of a small town. Only the few make it. I have almost two months left and I'll say goodbye to school. I'll differ from others and won't suffer the existential crisis after graduating from school-I've suffered it when I was about 13 or so. Maybe I still am, or maybe no-one suffers that phenomenon at all. If so, then their lives are boring (no offence).